Learned helplessness | ||
classes qigong tai chi kung fu about us reviews a-z
No time
It is quite common for people to tell you that they have no
time.
This is an interesting admission.
There is a certain helpless quality in such a
statement; as though fate had short-changed this person.
Or apportioned an unfair degree of responsibility? Or perhaps given them fewer hours in the day
than anyone else?
Beyond my control
If you live your life feeling like events
are beyond your control, then the chances are that you are correct.
In lieu of taking personal responsibility for how, why, what, where and when you
use your time, you have abdicated responsibility.
And if you do not make a choice/take control/manage yourself, somebody else will
choose for you.
This can result in a sense of powerlessness, impotence and
stress.
Not my choice
There are many things in life that we cannot necessarily control: the
weather, the situation of our birth, our nationality, how tall we are, being
made redundant...
However, many features of our lives are directly within our control.
The question is whether or not we choose to assert
ourselves.
Making choices affects everything in our lives.
We can decide that we will do something or that we
won't. We can say yes and we can say no.
When people believe that their efforts don't
matter, they tend to respond in one of two ways. Sometimes they check out
and stop trying.
The other response is less obvious at first. They become hyperactive. They
accept every opportunity presented. They throw themselves into every
assignment. They tackle every challenge with gusto. They try to do it all.
This behaviour does not necessarily look like helplessness at first glance.
After all, isn't working hard evidence of one's belief in one's importance
and value? Yet on closer examination we can see this compulsion to do more
is a smokescreen. These people don't believe they have a choice. They
believe they have to do it all.
(Greg McKeown)
What do you want?
Recognising that you can make a choice is a
powerful realisation: it prevents you from feeling
helpless and weak.
Instead of being at the mercy of circumstances, you begin to choose
deliberately and consciously.
Your choices will reflect what you personally deem to be of importance.
Choosing presents options, variables,
possibilities and consequences.
Trade-off
In selecting one thing you may well miss out on
something else.
Invariably some sort of trade-off is involved.
This is a yin/yang process:
You buy a new car and it is great to drive, there is a warranty and you
enjoy the new purchase.
The trade-off is the cost of the car, the 5 year repayment of the car loan
and the worry about getting your new car scratched or bumped.
Who are you?
Our lives are shaped by the sort of
person we are.
Our regrets are formed by the choices
we made that run contrary to who we want ourselves to be.
If you feel that you are not living the life you want, then change.
Make a choice.
Even the smallest changes can lead to more significant things unfolding:
a snowball effect.
Observe how you use your time
If you want to have more time, ask yourself
what you spend your leisure time doing.
What do you do in a traffic jam?
How is your weekend spent?
Where do you go on holiday?
Wiped out
People often do things that sap their energy.
How they sit, stand and move is
tiring and unhealthy.
The way in which they talk is wound-up and fast.
Hours are spend thumbing mobile phones, scanning flickering screens, window
shopping, drinking coffee and inanely watching TV.
The
brain is hammered by light, sound and ideas.
It never gets to rest.
The neuro
Many people slip into neurotic patterns
of behaviour without even realising that it has occurred.
Often the people closest to them do not notice the change. It happens
gradually over time.
Often their peers, friends and family are wound-up too.
Life is a continual emergency.
Everything that happens to them is more
important than the events affecting other people.
They are the hub of hurried activity, the
loci, the nexus... the hero, the martyr.
Their minds are a cloud of erratic
thoughts, opinions,
notions and received
information.
Life has become an upward climb, a battle, a struggle for recognition and success.
The power of the negative
The ability to defend yourself is
predicated by the act of saying no.
Refusal.
This simple word is the ultimate statement of
freedom.
It indicates that you have chosen. You are asserting your
power.
By declining to do the majority of things that you are presented with, and
focussing upon the things that you deem important,
you are taking control of your own life.
You are focussing upon the essentials.
Short-term/instant gratification
We live in an era when people seek short-term goals rather than
plan ahead.
They react rather than
respond.
This may be caused by diet, lifestyle,
habit and/or poor mental discipline.
Instead of being patient and looking ahead, people choose not to
think things through. They opt for an easy short-term fix.
Long-term gains
Instead of opting for instant gratification, we can pause and plan
ahead. This is akin to saving money rather than spending it.
The advantage of pausing and planning lies with the fact that most
things in nature take time to grow, develop and
mature.
There are few examples of instant
results.
Usually things take time.
Why not read more about this?
• Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less
• The Willpower Instinct
• The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking
• 50 Secrets of the World's Longest Living People
• Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
• Your Erroneous Zones
A balanced perspective
A person may go to the gym and really hurl the weights around, or they
may run hard down the road every night.
Their approach to getting fit may result in a rotator cuff injury or a knee
injury.
In-between training the individual slouches over their laptop or mobile
phone. They play games, scan the web or look at their playlists.
Maybe they smoke, eat junk food and
ignore their high level of stress.
This is not balance.
The tyranny of television
Once you switch off the mobile phone, the TV, the videogame, the
MP3 player and the computer you will find that life offers many other
activities.
Suddenly you have more time than you imagined.
There are many things that you can do:
Have sex
Cuddle
Walk
Undertake hobbies
Clean the house/chores
Gardening
Write
Cycle
Dance
Prepare healthy food
Have meaningful conversations
Learn to play a musical instrument
Read for pleasure/leisure
Draw
Learn a new language
Sing
Socialise
Once a slave...?
A final word of caution:
Once you have switched off all those devices that use up your time and
distract you from living, you may now invest your time in new endeavours.
This is good.
However, be careful not to replace one problem with another.
Choose your commitments and responsibilities with care.
Do not burden your time.
Time is not a commodity to be spent or
wasted. Time is life and life must be lived,
not employed.
Page created 2 March 1995
Last updated
04 May 2023
▲