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What is 'self'?
Self is our persona.
Our image, avatar, construct, identity, representative...
An idea of who we are or would like to see ourselves. It is like our public profile.
Our persona is constructed from our experiences.
It is made from our education, upbringing, society, reading, watching, eating, smelling, tasting, touching, feeling, opinions, bias, impressions, notions, ideas, insights...
Essentially it is the product of memory mixed with wishful thinking.
Self-discipline, self-consciousness, self-awareness, self-control, self-reliance, self-help, self-respect, self-knowledge, self-defence, self-restraint (and so forth) are all concerned with managing your avatar/persona.
Self-consciousness is your Public Relations Consultant.
A dog or a child
Managing the self is akin to controlling an unruly child.
We see the 'self' as being apart from who we really are... and are occasionally embarrassed by the behaviour of our 'self'.
The self is the cause of self-gratification, self-promotion and attention-seeking behaviour.
Promoting your own significance is a sign of insecurity.
Rather than feel contained, complete, integrated, the 'self' feels untethered and unappreciated.
It seeks recognition and validation.
The ego wants to be acknowledged, flattered and held in high esteem.
All of this must take place at somebody else's expense...
Lack of humour
The more seriously an individual values their self-image, the less genuine humour they possess.
So much effort is invested in shoring-up their public image that somewhere along the way they forgot to laugh.
Lacking humility, sincerity and candour, the insecure egotist brags and boasts as a lifestyle habit.
Bored, listless people constantly crave new ways to feed their self.
Theirs is a life of novelty, ephemeral interests, petty, shallow pursuits, holidays, shopping, chatter and entertainment.
Everything is geared towards short-term gratification.
When we interact with other people, we want them to see us in a favourable way.
Our aim is to shape their impression of us in alignment with how we choose to see ourselves.
This is public relations.
You often say, "I would give,
but only to the deserving."
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride,
that you should see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
We see other people relative to:
Our own personality construct/self-image
How we see and interpret the behaviour of the other person
How their behaviour fits into our model of how things should be/operate
This of course is not
seeing what is actually there.
It is filtering everything through ourselves.
Vanity, pride, conceit, egotism, defensiveness, arrogance, competition...
At the heart of competition is the notion that one person is better than somebody else.
This has led to the creation of a callous society.
There is no harmony to be found in competition.
Competition requires there to be comparison.
Freedom and happiness cannot exist when you are anxious about what somebody else is thinking or doing.
Comparison necessitates balancing your idea of self against your idea of someone else's self.
Beating the other person confirms our sense of self; it validates our own feeling of personal significance.
Self-image can serve as an elaborate disguise designed to hide inner fears and uncertainties.
Some people regard their idea of themselves as being the 'final product' - the finished version - in no need of revision or improvement.
This attitude is a fast-track to mental deterioration.
21 February 1995
Last updated 24 January 2017